Where are the answers?

Date: June 13, 2009, 1:00am

Location: Home, Toronto

Many things on my mind at the moment. Who I am, who I want to be, what do I want to achieve, where do I wish to go. Being 30 with no answers… Feel like I’m jumping around and not really getting anywhere. For the first time, the realities of raising children and a mortgage look daunting. But if the generation before us could do it, why couldn’t I? Is our generation more frightful of responsibilities & hardship? Have we been spoilt by an upbringing that provided more than enough…

I know what I want to do next – the Big Trip, backpack across the world and ending back home for good – our final destination being somewhat symbolic of settling down to build a new life from scratch. What was supposed to be our extended honeymoon and start of a new page was postponed a year so I could take up a job in Toronto. Now, 6 months left to the end of our Toronto gig, and new questions are revealing themselves to challenge whether this (Big Trip) is something right to do…

What would we do after? Where would we live? How could we afford that? What about kids? Are we doing this to hide away from hardship? Does that mean we are a weaker generation? Are we spoilt to have a choice like this? Is it morally right to take advantage of these choices our parents (or those deprived) never had?

I may be asking stupid questions but a little background will explain.

My dad was the eldest in his family. He worked a day job, went to night school, followed by a night job, to make enough to support his parents and 5 siblings. The 8 of them slept in a room of a size that would make pet shop cages look like 5 star luxury. This was the hardship that drove him to achieve and succeed.

I’m not lazy and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to achieve less than what my parents have. But I don’t want to be a corporate slave either – I don’t feel any drive or motivation anymore, my creativity is dead, and I am desperately craving it back.. to have childish wonders again, to be excited at the sight of any object as mundane as a balloon. Wouldn’t you?

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One Comment

  1. Kelv says:

    that's oh so familiar. do share when u've found the catapult.

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